i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Randomize
