I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
