it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
