i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
