Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Semen is not good for contacts.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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