i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
