Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
