brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
