this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He is an equal opportunity slut.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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