When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
