He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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