no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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