you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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