Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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