you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
