Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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