Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
