We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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