I feel great
I just peed on a car
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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