just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
