So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
