do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
smell my finger.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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