I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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