wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
