I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
