Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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