Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
