she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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