Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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