my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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