Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
