I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
