For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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