Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
