and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
