Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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