you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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