Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
