I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
