I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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