I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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