if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
