Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
