I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
