I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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