Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
