He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
