My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
