My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
