Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
