After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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