New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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