she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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