there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I pour the whiskey from now on
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
