Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
