24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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