you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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