oh god the rape fog is back!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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