Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
