It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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