She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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