The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
