I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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