It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
