I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
