Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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