You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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