Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
