dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
