Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
