just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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