By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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